When I first met my stepsons Aaron and Avery, it was obvious we’d have a special connection. It was June 2010. At that point, Mark and I were just running buddies. He still referred to me as that “Asian chick.” He’s very original. I was at his house for a World Cup party when I wandered into the basement where two boys, ages 14 and 10, sat playing at the computer.
Hi! I’m your dad’s friend, Thai Phi!
I don’t know if it was the way the two boys offered up that one-syllable word or how they barely turned their heads from the computer screen, but you could basically predict a future of deep conversations over sushi about friends, talks about how freshmen year in college can be lonely and harder than other people let on, laugh until tears are streaking down your face moments, I love yous, and horrendous zombie sounds because they know how much it creeps me out. I could foresee driving the three hours down to Virginia Beach while their dad was deployed so we could just hang out, so that those 7 1/2 months without Mark might go just a little bit faster for all of us.
You could see that both boys would later take Ethan under their wings, teaching him lessons from how to do the Harlem Shake to how to make a derp face. That “hey” showed me that years down the road, the afternoon Ethan would come home more upset and teary-eyed from school than I had ever seen him, that Avery would follow him around the house, asking him to build Legos together and inviting him upstairs into his sacred space: his room. I saw Aaron, without any prodding from us, grabbing Ethan’s hand as they crossed the street and picking Ethan up whenever he couldn’t see above taller humans.
I took a lot from that hey. Or not really. I went upstairs, wondered when the soccer players would take off their shirts and had a beer.
Regardless of the start, however, over the last 5 ½ years these boys have been a gift to me. So today I share a little piece of them with you. It’s a good regift, I promise.
For the last two years on my birthday, Aaron and Avery have provided me an update to the latest teen slang. And now it is yours to read, fumble over and get confused with.
Dankster Dictionary, Birthday Edition
White Peopling: Used to describe activities that are popular with white people
Alochol (I have no idea if the misspelling is intentional): A beverage young hipsters consume
Curving: To reject someone (explained further in a previous post)
Prime-Time: When something is hella dope
Whying: The act of using the word why many times (every kid ever)
Stiff: A person who likes pissing people off
Middle School: Where your hopes and dreams go to die
I’ll Try: Never going to happen
Scaping: To take in a beautiful landscape
Defunding: Complicating a simple question
Wat (I think that actually comes with a specific sound): A pat of butter, aka, a lot of butter
Pixum: Dope, power juice
Skeedle Dee: Phrase used to compliment rednecks
Javaphile: Someone in love with coffee
Okay I admit, after going through these slang words again, I kind of miss that “hey.”